Encoded by Hunter Crazy4TV.com
Hey?
It has now been one month
since space ripped open like flimsy human skin:
Terrified earthlings are beginning to grow exhausted:
Professor, sprinkle us with wisdom from your mighty brain.
How scared should we be?
Somewhere between not at all and entirely.
I call entirely.
Scientists believe the rip is a gateway to another universe,
but do not know what mysteries lie beyond.
However, in this reporter's opinion
gruesome death awaits us all!
And now with sports, here's Sportsbot 5000.
All sports canceled:
To better understand the anomaly,
I will now focus its radiation on a giant medium-sized ant
to see what happens.
What's going on here? I was told there would be sugar syrup.
Quiet, you.
Oh, hey, everyone, this is Colleen.
Hello!
I like your shoes.
This is awkward.
Introducing your new girlfriend to Chesty McNag-nag.
Oh, don't mind him. I'll turn him off.
Hey, you can't turn me off...
Hi. I'm Leela.
Hi, Leela, hi, everyone.
Sorry I've been taking up so much of Fry's time.
He's just so interesting.
Have you seen how much cotton candy he can eat?
Oh, my, yes. 5.1 pounds.
That's why his blood is so good on pancakes.
Well, got to skedoodle-oodle.
We're taking a cuddle-cab to Hug-a-Bunny Village.
This lovey-dovey stuff is making me vomit
from my saltwater and freshwater stomachs.
It is pretty sickening.
No, the double-vomit is a sign of joy.
Fry told me how he and Colleen first met.
So, how did you and Colleen first meet?
Well...
Something about seeing it on the Jumbotron
makes it so much more real.
It's so scary.
What are you supposed to do
when the whole universe is coming to an end?
I have a thought.
This is gonna be juicy.
What? Oh, man!
Speaking of sappy love...
Want to tell them, Kiffy?
Yes, Amy and I have a big announcement.
I... That is, we...
Oh, I'm just so excited.
Kif has asked me to be his Fonfon Ru.
- Mazel tov! - Wonderful!
What the hell does that mean?
It means I've asked Amy to join my family.
And you're all invited to my family swamp for our Fonfon Rubok ceremony.
If I had ever heard of it,
it would have been what I had always dreamed of.
And our parents will be meeting for the first time ever.
That's even more awkward than Fry's two bimbos meeting each other.
Count me in.
Mr. And Mrs. Wong, aren't you excited
that we're all about to be joined in a single family?
You can't borrow money.
Kif's parents come late and we have to stand around in swamp
getting eaten alive by damn bugs?
Mrs. Wong, no.
The final stage of my species' life cycle is a colony of flying hookworms.
You just squashed part of my father.
- Welcome. - Sorry.
I guess you got plenty of bugs to spare though, huh?
That was my left testicle.
And the awkward meter goes up another notch.
Wow, Colleen, you look so beautiful in the light of the swamp gas.
Thanks. This is really fun.
I love going to exotic worlds and getting hammered.
Me, too.
Two more Harvey Wallclimbers.
Leela, I can't help but notice you're unescorted.
Might I escort you behind that bush for the next five minutes?
Nothing would revolt me more.
Then how about that shrub?
Ooh! Rubok is begun.
I am the grand priestess.
Aren't you also the grand midwife?
And the grand lunch lady.
I work five jobs, all grand.
Kif of the clan Kroker,
please trescend the Rubok Etlon with your Fonfon Smizmar Ru.
- What? - Get in the mud.
This mud is the petroleum from a billion generations of Kif's ancestors.
As you become one with the ooze, so you become one with the clan Kroker.
Oh, Kif, it's like a movie with this happening in it.
Is the best man present?
Guilty as charged.
Kindly hose the couple.
As it was, so it is. You may now eat the snake.
If you so choose.
It's not part of the ceremony. I just had an extra snake.
Rubok is complete. Throw the bouquet.
Are you going to eat that?
Fry, run, run. Get over here, oh, my God, oh, my God!
What? What is it?
Shut up already! Calculon's on TV!
I beg you, Calculon, don't ring that door chime:
I have no choice, Monique.
Whoever the blackmailer is,
he lives behind this hideous yet strangely familiar door.
Calculon residence. Oh, hello, Mr. Calculon.
Son of a bit. This is my house.
But that means I'm blackmailing myself.
Why didn't you tell me, Monique?
I tried to, but I couldn't.
Oh, Calculon, I'm afraid you have a fourth personality
the other three don't know about, and it and I
are lovers!
How's Calculon going to take this, Fry,
especially after that humiliating tennis tournament?
- Fry? - Don't know, Bender.
Tonight's my big date with Colleen. I got to run.
But me and you like to watch together.
Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on. Humans like cabbage, right?
Step right up to the 2D Tunnel of Love.
Not one, not three, but two glorious dimensions
for the price of a single ticket.
Keep your hands in the car, shut up, and have fun.
Wow, you even look beautiful in 2D.
I do?
But from your perspective, I'm just a line segment.
A really hot line segment.
So, listen, sweetie pie,
I was thinking maybe we should take this to the next step.
Really?
Yes. Colleen...
...will you be moved in with by me?
- Way to go. - Hooray, hooray.
- That's great. - You're moving in with her?
Why can't she move in with us?
I could just curl up at the foot of the bed.
Listen up, everyone.
I know you've all been extremely worried about the cosmic anomaly.
The what? Oh, right.
But there's good news.
We're all going to learn more about it at a scientific conference.
Like a city made of marshmallow.
I am the pickled head
Black hole Hawking?
Wow, if I knew I was going to meet you,
I would have done something with my hair.
You should have:
In conclusion, I understand nothing about the anomaly,
even after cashing the huge check I got for writing a book about it:
I know this anomaly is terrifying.
But as scientists, is it not our sworn duty to seek out knowledge,
even at the cost of our very lives?
No:
I say we must mount an expedition to the anomaly forthwith.
I agree.
Wernstrom!
Professor Farnsworth is correct. Only a manned mission can...
Don't listen to that crackpot!
But I'm agreeing with you.
I'll make you eat those words, you moron!
I volunteer to lead the expedition.
I have a squad of graduate students
eager to risk their lives for a letter of recommendation.
Your squad sucks bosons!
My team is twice as qualified and three times as expendable.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Oh, tough talk for someone with only one Fields Medal.
Ooh!
Wernstrom, I ought to...
I didn't know I could do that:
Now quiet down and settle this like men of science:
Very well.
Let Deathball begin!
- Go, Planet Express! - Go even more, my team!
Leela, header!
Ow!
Bust those balls!
Hooray! We're equally good!
Come on, Bender! Your grandmother could push harder than that!
No crap. My grandmother was a bulldozer.
And thus metal man defeated meat man. The end.
Come here, winner!
Come here, loser!
Colleen, what are you doing? My face is over here.
This is my boyfriend, silly!
- I thought I was your boyfriend. - You are.
- Well, how can you have two boyfriends? - Oh, I don't. I have five.
Fry, meet Chu, Bolt, Ndulu, and Shlomo.
- Greetings. - Pleasure.
But... But...
Shlomo and Ndulu will help you move your stuff
into my apartment tonight.
Welcome to the relationship, buddy!
Hmm?
There's my butterscotch.
Congratulations, deathballers!
We've won the right to explore the anomaly!
What? I thought I was playing for my freedom!
No.
Now, I've often said "good news"
when sending you on a mission of extreme danger.
So when I say this anomaly is dangerous,
you can imagine how dangerous I really think it is.
Not dangerous at all?
- Actually, quite dangerous indeed. - That is quite dangerous!
Indeed. Now stop shilly-shallying!
Prep the ship and line up for your preflight coffee enemas!
Warning. The enema you are about to enjoy is extremely hot.
I don't know what to do, Leela.
Should I move in with Colleen and her four other boyfriends?
What are you going to do? Sleep in a big pile like hamsters?
No! It's not like that.
Everyone gets his own room and a shelf in the refrigerator.
Take the deal, Fry!
If there's a delicious cake,
isn't it better to have one slice than none at all?
Even if four other guys eat the other four slices,
and they're all thrusting their sweaty naked bodies against the cake?
Only one thing matters, Fry.
Do you really love Colleen, like I love my little squeezle?
Yeah. I do love her.
Then things will work out.
Whoa!
Double espresso for Philip Fry?
Sorry, I'm not going on the mission. I'm moving in with Colleen!
- Good for you, Fry. - Oh, Fry!
I'll just take that to go.
- Welcome to your new home! - Thanks, Colleen.
And listen, I'm sorry I got jealous before. I'm just happy to be here with you.
Want a slice of delicious cake?
The anomaly!
It's so anomalous.
I'm feeling dread deep in my dreads!
Wernstrom!
Yes, and I'm afraid I have disturbing news about the anomaly:
- : - How did you get this number?
Hermes, hang up on him in the rudest possible manner.
Yes, sir!
No, not the crack slam!
Oh, my life rocks.
I've got good wine, five sweethearts,
and today, I was promoted to Chief of Police.
Here's to you.
- Me? - No, Colleen.
- I'm making a romantic toast. - Sorry.
You have the most beautiful eyes I think I...
- Thank you. - I'm not talking to you!
Then I am not talking to you, either.
Will everyone be quiet a little?
- I want to hear what he has to say! - Thank you.
Not you, you Verstinkener:
You're just here 'cause she likes cave men from the stupid ages.
Oh, look who's talking.
You're just here 'cause she got matzoh fever.
So, what's the explanation for you, moron fever?
Enough! All of you!
I love you.
Most people in this world don't have what we have.
Let's just be grateful, okay?
- Yeah. - Yeah, you're right.
So, Colleen, you look really nice.
Oh, thanks. I got dressed up for my date.
There he is. Don't wait up!
That's it. I thought I was okay with this, but I'm not.
I'm breaking up with you!
Me?
Why are we risking our lives?
Can't we just send in a robotic drone?
What's everybody looking at me for?
"Let's send a robot to explore it.
"'Cause you can always buy another one for 20 bucks."
Really?
Well, it's 30 bucks, and there's a $10-mail-in rebate.
When the League of Robots hears about this, they won't be pleased.
Oh, you'll pay, my darlings.
The League of Robots doesn't exist, tin mon.
It's just a cartoon for babies.
Oh, yeah?
Then how come when I was a kid, I had a whole sticker book of them?
Answer that with your precious logic.
Bender to crew.
I have reached the gateway to another universe.
I feel awed and strangely humbled
by the momentous solemnity of this occasion.
Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal...
I can't remember anything except a blinding light and a searing ass pain.
I better check my black box.
The light! It's blinding!
And the ass pain! It's searing!
So that's what happened.
Hey, Bender! Look who's here to cheer you up.
I don't need cheering up. I'm perfectly...
Greetings, sick fan.
TV's Calculon!
You poor, mangled husk of what was once a robot!
What right hath fate to pluck a sweet, dimple-cheeked mechanism
in the flower of his youth? And...
Scene!
There, that was some free acting for you.
Ordinarily, to see acting like that,
you'd have to sit through a tampon commercial.
That fulfills my community service, right?
Charges of running me over are hereby dismissed!
Ow!
Where did we go wrong, Fry? We were meant to be together!
Nu, I'm freezing my tokhes off here.
Just a sec, honey!
I'm back, idiots!
You look wonderful, robot!
I wish I could afford to go to a hospital. I'm dreadfully sick.
I feel great, and I owe it all to Calculon. His visit really inspired me.
I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.
You want to costar in his TV show? Like that time you already did that?
No. I'm gonna be a stalker!
That's not really a career. More of a felony.
Man, I'm gonna stalk his brains out.
Ooh! Big news on the Calculon fansite!
There's a flash mob headed for his plastic surgeon's office!
There, that's as big as I can make it.
But I caution you, it looks completely unrealistic.
You let me worry about that! Just do your job.
Very well. Will you be using your SAG insurance?
No, cash. I'd like to be discreet.
Dear God, no!
- Neat! - Get a shot of that.
Oh boy, oh boy, he's here.
Calculon, I love you! Have my baby!
Back, you lunatic!
He touched me!
Sign my ass!
Emergency! Emergency! Everyone to the calamitorium!
- Leela, smell this. - Can I wipe it off first?
No time, woman! No time!
- Hmm. Smells like angel dust. - Exactly!
That's a discontinuous electromagnetic field.
Wernstrom tried to warn me, but I was too damn stubborn!
Hermes, get Wernstrom on the line so I can apologize.
Ogden Wernstrom speaking:
Tell him I'm not here!
- Professor! - Oh, very well.
Wernstrom, I've been a vainglorious fool!
If you can find it in your heart to forgive me,
your tiny little heart,
would you consider a scientific collaboration?
Sir, I'd be honored:
As I attempted to warn you,
the laws of electromagnetism change abruptly at the anomaly.
Observe.
Play time is fun time:
Not this time.
My heavens!
If only I'd heeded your warning,
I'd have known it was impossible to cross the barrier!
But note what happens when I instead throw this laboratory koala.
It passed through unharmed.
So living beings can enter the other universe,
but electrical devices can't?
My hypothesis exactly.
Then we must mount a second expedition without delay.
- Right after we blow up more robots. - Agreed.
Play time is fun time.
- Who are you? - Bender, your biggest fan.
Are you going to murder me?
Unlikely. In my mind, we're friends.
This diorama proves it, see?
Sir, your derangement is impressive. I'm appointing you my official stalker.
You shan't be disappointed.
Pleasant dreams.
Now that I've teamed up with my friend, Dr. Wernstrom,
I feel certain we can successfully penetrate the other universe.
It's the greatest scientific opportunity
since you yourself sent men to the moon in 1969.
I always regretted that.
Nothing up there but dry rocks and those revolting onion men.
But...
You East Coast intellectuals had your chance. Now beat it!
From here on in, this is a military matter.
People of the universe,
please welcome Rear Brigadier Zapp Brannigan:
Well deserved:
Kif, stand in that hole so I look taller.
Ever since man first left his cave
and met a stranger with a different language
and a new way of looking at things,
the human race has had a dream:
To kill him, so we don't have to learn his language
or his new way of looking at things:
Give science a chance!
Less invasions, more equations!
Damn long-hairs.
Knock some sense into them, Chief O'Hallahan.
Yes, sir!
I can't take it, Leela.
I need to go away. Far away, forever.
Aw, I know how you feel, Fry.
There are times when I also feel like you need to go away.
Be careful, my little, teeny, greeny weenie.
That's just a fungal infection... Oh, she's talking to you, Kif.
Goodbye, my love.
Wow, how come humans get to do all the fun stuff?
This is exactly the sort of thing that ought to be handled by
The League of Robots.
That's adorable, Bender.
You actually believe in the League of Robots?
You mean, there's really no such thing?
Then who's there to mete out justice
when an outdated robot is melted into belt buckles?
Who's there to defend our honor
when a rude human brings a blush to a robo-virgin's cheek?
No one.
Oh.
Now that I know robots are worthless,
with no League of Robots to protect us from the fleshy menace known as man,
I have resolved to kill myself:
In lieu of flowers, please beat yourselves in the face with rusty chains:
Your friend, Bender:
Ow.
Please select
Clumsy bludgeoning, please.
You have selected clumsy bludgeoning:
For an additional $10,
would you like your eyes scooped out with a melon-baller?
What the heck, I'll treat myself.
Enemy in range.
Prepare to launch universe-to-universe missile.
Preparing to launch U.U.M.
Hell of a thing to send a universe to certain doom.
Fun, though. Makes a man feel big.
Come on, come on, I didn't ask to die of boredom!
You are now dead:
What's... What's happening?
Kneel before the candle.
Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!
Bender Bending Rodriguez...
Welcome to the League of Robots!
Ready?
And...
F...
Almost fooled you there.
Fire!
Missile jam. Missile jam.
- I heard you the first time, Francine. - Sorry.
Kif, climb down there and un-jam it, would you? Be a dear.
And stop sighing so much.
Tell us, Bender.
Are you worthy of membership in the League?
Worthier than the average robot.
Then prove it.
Upon each step is a test.
Okay, but if it's culturally biased, I'm suing your ass.
Test number one. The test of the beer mug!
Quite right, quite so.
Drink the mug! Drink the mug!
I accept your challenge.
Hurray!
The test of the flagon!
Drink the flagon! Drink the flagon!
Are all the tests going to involve drinking?
It never occurred to me before, but yes.
Just like med school!
Ready yet, Kif?
Just give me one more...
Oh, no.
The test of the infinitely priceless 1,000-year-old brandy.
Presenting our newest member.
That's right, baby!
Hot diggity daffodil!
And so, to everyone and everything I've ever known,
I say my last goodbye.
Hello.
So, how are you, Fry?
- Pretty good. You? - Well... Oh.
Mmm.
Kif, get over here. You've got to try this!
At least Kiffy died quickly.
Yes, but according to the Old Farmer's Wikipedia,
the amazing thing about Kif's species
is that the remains continue suffering for up to six hours after death.
That's so interesting!
Don't ask where I was last night.
For all you know, I was at home, perhaps baking a strudel.
What's her problem? Somebody die or something?
- Kif's dead, Bender. - Nailed it!
My condolences, Amy.
Allow me to present you with the last known photo of Lieutenant Kroker.
We so sorry, Mr. And Mrs. Kroker. Terrible shame about Froggy.
Thank you for your kind words.
Yeah, yeah, real sad.
Want some breath spray? Cinnamon flavor, taste like pie.
This is from the league of you-don't-need-to-know.
I am the grand funeral director!
Do you validate parking?
It is always a terrible tragedy when a swarm outlives its own bulboid.
So it is with great sorrow
that I now commit the goo that was once Kif
to the petroleum of his ancestors.
Whack the bottle!
No, from the bottom! It works better!
Just stick a butter knife in it!
There, I got most of it. The burial is complete.
I will now sing the sacred hymn.
It's not part of the ceremony, just a little something that I wrote.
Next!
It may sound strange,
but seeing Kif's mutilated remains poured into the mud made me really sad.
Mutilation is never easy.
- I don't think I'll ever love again. - Oh, you don't mean that.
Love can surprise you at any time in your life.
Surprise!
Whoa, it kind of takes your breath away.
Look alive, death row. Your saggy asses got a visitor.
- Regular or conjugal? - She looked like a freak to me.
The guard operating the x-ray machine
came down with a sudden case of broken neck,
so I was able to bring you that delicious cake you wanted.
I don't understand. Are you winking or blinking?
Hang on a second.
Got it!
Yes, I'm here to repair my horse.
Is the horse's name Hot Beans?
No. I mean, yes.
So it seems a human had been rather injured by a knife, and as his...
As his blood, you know, I think that's what they call it...
Quite correct, sir. Blather on!
As it drained away, he said... He said, "Take me to a dock."
No doubt he intended to say "doctor,"
but he was unable to complete his thought, you see, being as he had died.
So, taking him at his word,
we dragged his corpse to the waterfront, whereupon the seagulls fed upon it.
- Humans are dumb and they die easy! - Quite!
Speaking of humans, have I shown you my new monocle?
Cost me a king's ransom. Made from a king, don't you know!
Oh, how repulsively decadent!
Yes. But more importantly,
it allows me to see the smiling faces of my children
for the first time since I lost my vision in that horrible banking accident.
May I see that for a second?
My, but that's interesting!
- I say! - I'm blind!
My God, Bender!
This is a civilized organization! The rules specifically...
May I make a point of order, President Calculon?
- Must you? - Yes.
The bylaws specifically state
that no human may set foot in the League of Robots!
If he has a human part, he's part human!
Oh, my! Then I too have a human part I must expel.
And I plan to enjoy the experience.
Ta-ta!
Bender, you've rigidly applied the law with no regard for its intent.
Well done! You'll go far in this organization.
Oh, you're just gettin' to know Bender.
Curses!
If we could only turn up the gain,
we might smell clear through to the other universe!
But we can't adjust it without a screwdriver.
Wait a moment.
I think I was just shanked with a screwdriver!
Yes!
A little more. A little less.
Heavens to meteoroid! Smell this!
Holy mother of invention!
- We must notify the President at once! - But how can we?
Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish we weren't in prison!
Pazuzu!
You have one wish left, Professor.
I think I got him!
Mmm-hmm.
That's what you get for letting your guard...
Sometimes... Always... Never!
You again? This better be damned important.
I'm right in the middle of a Cosmo survey!
You'll want to hear this, Mr. President.
For we have sniffed where no man has sniffed before!
Look! Up in the sky!
- It's a bird! - It's a plane!
I am so out of here!
Incoming call
Hello?
- Why you so sad, Amy? - My husband died, Mom!
Hang on:
Some damn tentacle got in the screen door:
- Collect call from - Will you pay for color?
No!
Uncle Zoid! What's new?
You still doing theater for the blind and deaf?
I got a part in a fancy DVD movie!
It's only one line, but I'm gonna ham it up like you wouldn't believe:
What crummy sin have I committed to be chastised in such a crazy manner?
Hello? Hello? Call me back on my shell phone!
Captain's log, stardate,
the year of the tiger:
The battle has been bravely fought,
and the suffering of our troops beyond measure:
But the alien is invulnerable, and our defeat inevitable:
That much is obvious, even from my remote command post
here at the Times Square Applebee's:
Waiter! Take this fried mozzarella back to the kitchen and fry it some more.
The tentacle's coming towards Earth and there's no stopping it.
King Kong's too old to save us this time.
We have only one hope, Mr. President.
We must encase the entire planet
in a protective sphere of my patented, ultra-hard diamondium!
Diamondium?
I could gum through that with my dentures behind my back.
My trademarked diamondillium is twice as hard!
Twice as hard as your head! Which makes it still fairly soft!
Now look here, you Poindexters.
I don't care how you decide. Just decide!
Diamondillium it is.
So, hey, Calculon, I know I'm the new guy, and, pardon my ignorance,
but when do we kill all humans?
Never.
But what about our motto? Doesn't it mean anything?
Oh, Bender, your idealism is heartwarming.
But the League of Robots hasn't killed a human in over 800 years.
And that was a very sick girl scout.
Quite sick indeed.
Sweet, innocent Bender.
I declare my impenetrable diamondillium sphere complete!
Now look here, Wernstrom.
You're making it sound as if the sphere was your idea when we both know...
It was!
All credit to my colleague, Ogden Wernstrom!
It's horrible!
I can't make it! Go on without me!
I'm trying!
Go on without me faster!
Sweet squid of Madrid! The tentacle got Fry!
Quick, hand me my machete! We can still save his legs!
Silence!
I have traveled far and seen deep,
and I have come to know the purpose of our existence.
Finally.
Thou shalt love the tentacle!
Well, at least we don't have to love one another.
A new age has begun. The age of the tentacle!
Open your necks and receive the love!
Ow, my neck!
My neck feels perfectly... Ow, my neck!
Someone help me! I'm important!
Say, I love the tentacle.
I also love the neck-a-majigger!
Hooray, Zoidberg escaped!
Hooray, Zoidberg loves the tentacle!
It got Zoidberg!
Oh, I never knew how much I'd miss him until he was gone!
Not that much, as it turns out.
Thus sayeth the tentacle,
"Verily, thou shalt rejoice in the house of the tentacle."
Fry, listen to yourself. You've been brainwashed.
No, I'm just trying to fit my diction to the importance of what I'm saying.
- Please, let me speak. - I'm listening.
Don't be afraid of the tentacle, Leela. It's beautiful and it loves me.
And I love it.
Aw. That's so nice for both of you.
I know it may seem strange that I have feelings
for an octopus monster from another universe.
And yes, perhaps it's not the storybook romance
that's been crammed down our throats by Hollywood.
But the Monsterpus has loved us from afar since we were amoebas.
Only when the space anomaly opened
could it finally express a billion years of longing.
Really? It loves us that much?
Fire diamondium cannon!
Hey!
No effect.
The crystals are bouncing off the tentacle like meatballs off Mothra.
Oh, what a surprise. I told you diamondium was worthless!
Wernstrom, quit hyping your cheap diamondillium and look at this.
Uh-oh.
What?
According to this blinking light,
the tentacle is made of electro-matter, matter's bad-ass grandma!
Nothing from our universe can cut through it.
Not diamondium, not diamondillium, not even your wife's pound cake, Hermes!
She's a terrible cook. Anyway, we're all dead.
So, Bender, is something wrong?
Who said that? Oh, it was me!
'Cause my roommate doesn't notice or even care that I'm upset!
What, Bender? Is something wrong?
Yes! I joined a club I thought was cool,
but it turns out all the leaguie-weegies are totally lame.
That's what we call ourselves, "leaguie-weegies."
I'm sorry. I should've asked what was bothering you.
- I've been kind of preoccupied. - With what?
Well, I went to another universe, and I fell in love with a giant octopus,
and now I'm pope of a new religion.
- Weren't you already pope of something? - No.
Oh. Well, I'm just saying I'd like you to show an interest in my life, too.
Okay, let's catch up soon.
But right now, I gotta go shove a tentacle into everyone in China.
They're coming! Those horrible, horrible things are coming!
Morbo?
As the universe falls prey to the revolting alien,
only a few isolated pockets of resistance remain.
Those pockets sure are missing out on a great thing.
- Amy? - Sorry.
I thought I saw a tentacle, but it was just a harmless land squid.
I better have some cocoffee.
When I gave up diapers, my parents promised
exactly this would never happen!
Nobody panic! Just get to the panic room!
Well done, people! We had a great first week.
We got 90% of world leaders, everyone who bought a Hanes undershirt,
and this year's most promising new R&B group,
give it up for the Grammy-nominated Funkalistics!
Talkin' 'bout the tentacle
Good news, everyone!
I was up all night inventing, and then finally, I invented!
Invented what?
The neck protector, the neck protector junior,
and now, for a limited time, the lady neck protector!
I'll take two. My neck is huge.
We're perfectly safe now.
Time to stop living like a bunch of nervous nellies.
Professor, these look like you cut them from cardboard toilet paper tubes.
So? Lots of important inventions are made from toilet paper tubes.
Microscopes, the internet, tentacle polish...
It got the professor!
Wait, why am I screaming?
It got me, too!
Stop, in the name of love!
Crud.
We may be the last two normal people on Earth.
At least I won't have to trim my elbow talons anymore.
I'm scared! And I miss Kif!
It's okay to cry, Amy.
Come here, I'm wearing absorbent shoulder straps.
Mmm.
What an erotic display of girl-on-girl consolation.
- Zapp? - Hurry, Leela,
we don't have much time to begin repopulating Earth.
Go brush your teeth.
I'll be waiting for you naked under this quesadilla.
Stop resisting, my brethren!
Don't you want to be part of something bigger than yourselves?
Like a big crazy monster?
So we got her, huh? Bring her in!
Do it already!
- Hello, Colleen. - Fry, please!
If this is about your futon,
I sold it to pay the phone bill that you skipped out on!
Colleen wasn't satisfied with me. Were you, Colleen?
Come on, Fry, this isn't cool!
She had to have four other boyfriends!
I guess she never thought I'd become tentacle pope of the world!
You know what?
It's true!
You weren't enough for me!
No one man is!
You were great, but you weren't Chinese, you weren't Cameroonian,
and you certainly were not the "king of karaoke,"
as you so often claimed.
And if your ego can't take that,
then you don't deserve to be tentacle pope of anything!
Oh, yeah, Colleen?
Well, I've got one thing to say to you.
I completely agree!
You, you... What?
Why should you be satisfied with one man
when love needs to share itself with the whole universe?
Wow, Fry. You know, that's really...
Love the tentacle, honey.
I do love the tentacle.
Come on out, guys! There's enough love for everybody!
Aw.
We're trapped!
- Help, help! Is anyone out there? - I read you:
- 'Sup, bigboots? - Bender, we need a place to hide!
- Please! - Pretty please!
You humans are so cute when you're scared.
In here.
My leg feels funny!
Humans are disgusting! I opened one up once. I almost barfed.
Did you know their hair just keeps growing and growing?
My leg feels funny!
Leela, you're crushing me with your rock-hard butt.
Sorry.
Mmm. I can only imagine what rock-hard part of Leela is crushing me.
Anyone mind if I turn up the heat a tad?
Please do. I fear I'll catch a rust from this awful damp.
I can't take it! I'm being steamed in my own velour!
Death to humans!
My leg feels better!
Hi, Bender.
- Bender, you know these humans? - Of course not!
Who are you humans and why am I pointing you to the exit?
- Go, go, go! - Thanks for everything, Bender!
Death to all of you!
Bender, methinks thou doth protest too much.
It seems Bender hates humans
the way I hate having my nipples polished with industrial sandpaper.
Quite right.
It's okay, Bender, to err is
human.
Sir, you forget yourself!
I challenge you to a duel on the field of honor.
Oh, my...
Leela, it's getting dark.
We may have to make a tent out of Amy's skin.
Look, there's an abandoned cabin!
Even so.
We're in luck. This must have been the cabin of a soup bootlegger
back in the days of soup prohibition.
Oh, yeah. Bathtub minestrone.
Poor Kif! I can't believe he's gone forever!
- Ditto on the grief there, Amy. - You miss him, too?
More than you, as his mere wife, could ever understand.
He was my fourth lieutenant, for God's sake,
and bore the peppermill at the captain's table.
- Really? - Oh, Amy, I miss him so!
Hardly a month goes by that I don't think of him.
But you know, in a way, he's still with us.
Do you feel his presence?
I'm not sure.
It's over here.
Closer.
Amy! Zapp!
I fetched up some fresh soup!
Sorry you had to find out like this, Leela. I was hoping you'd see it on YouTube first.
As my ex-Iover, you're naturally shocked and jealous,
but you may well get your chance again someday.
How about today at 4:00?
Hey, this isn't so bad.
She's right. Leela, you must try the tentacle.
It's like my soul is wearing a velour body glove.
Get off me!
I'm saving my neck for a rich, handsome Dracula.
What I love most about the tentacle
is that I don't need to move my bowels anymore.
It's all handled by that family in Evanston.
No, it can't be.
Leela, what's your favorite thing about the tentacle?
You don't have a tentacle!
Get her! Get her some love!
You're on in five minutes, Excellency.
You sure you don't want your comedy pope staff?
The tentacle monster is about to address the world.
It's too serious.
Oh.
- Hello, Fry. - Leela?
How did you get past my sumo ninjas?
I told them something so shocking that they let me by.
What's that?
I love the tentacle.
We're rolling in three, two...
What? We're already rolling?
Love the tentacle!
- Love the tentacle! - Love the tentacle!
Loved ones, the Monsterpus has revealed unto me its name.
What is our love's name?
Yivo.
Yivo is the lover of all beings, male and female.
But Yivo has no gender, thus Yivo has proclaimed
that instead of "he" or "she," we are to use the word "shklee."
And instead of "him" or "her,"
we are to use the word "shklim," or "shkler."
Phew! I've been sweating the nomenclature all week.
So here shklee is shklerself, Yivo!
Yay, Yivo!
Attention, beings of Universe Gamma.
- Where? - Here.
I had a hunch.
I am Yivo.
In your universe, you are many, but in my universe, I am one.
For a trillion years I dwelt in solitude,
content with my job and my stamp collecting,
but then I looked across immensity and saw the big bang, and I was, like,
"Whoa, who's that?"
And I knew then that I was lonely.
You poor monster!
Then your emissary Fry came unto me, and he, too, was lonely.
So I reached into your universe that we might feel each other's touch.
Hey, Yivo, feel this.
Ow!
People of everywhere, I have shocking news.
Hey, butt out!
This is between me and everyone else in existence.
Yivo talks a lot about love, but what he's actually doing...
What shklee's actually doing.
...is mating with you!
These aren't tentacles.
They're genticles.
Ew!
We've been had, people. The Monsterpus is a monster perv.
It touched me in a bad place,
my spinal cord.
- Get him! - You mean, get shklim!
Hey, wait a second.
Wait, wait. Allow me to explain.
Granted, at first
I desired only to bang out a quick cheap one with your universe,
but it's your own fault.
Your universe dresses provocatively.
Does not!
And yet as the initial filthy thrill wore off, I realized there was more to it.
I knew then that the 20 quadrillion of you
were my soul mate.
We loved you,
and you turn around and treat us like some sort of woman?
I was lonely.
I didn't even know there was anybody else.
It's not like I hurt anyone.
Yes, you did, you dumb calamari!
- Who? - Kif Kroker, my Fonfon Ru!
If he hadn't tried to kill you, he'd still be alive!
Really?
I'm... I'm deeply sorry. I...
I'm a big clumsy jerk!
I know you are, but what am I?
I can never undo what was done.
Oh, wait. I can.
Kiffy, you're alive!
Amy, my love.
This is awkward.
It is? Why?
Please, please, give me another chance.
We rushed into this relationship,
but let's start over as friends and see where things go.
Take me back, Kif?
I don't think I can. How could you? My body wasn't even warm yet.
- You were dead. - For about five minutes.
That's all it takes.
Whereas Calculon has sullied Bender's reputation
by insinuating that he is a human-Iover, a duel is hereby engaged.
Bender, as the offended party, shall have choice of weapon.
Planetary annihilators.
'Tis a grave and solemn day for the League of Robots.
It's gonna be fun on the bun!
Each duelist will take 10 paces, pirouette, and fire like a madman.
Gentlebots, take your paces.
One,
two, three...
Oh, how dreadfully exciting.
Oh, yes.
At 0800 hours, we received the following transmission from Yivo.
Hey, it's Yivo:
Want to do something Friday? Call me:
- Analysis? - Mr. President,
I think we need to seriously consider the possibility of going on this date.
I agree. Yivo makes me feel sexy,
and I'm asexual.
Very well, but no sugar on the first date.
All in favor?
All opposed?
Motion is carried.
This is bogus, man.
...six, seven,
eight!
Nine, ten, fire.
Yes, I got him!
He... He broke the rules.
It's a duel, silly. There are no rules.
Actually, there are scores of rules.
All laid out with minute particularity here in the Code Duello:
My fellow Earthlicans, commence preparations for our date with Yivo:
I like you to hold me tight
You are too, too, too, too, too divine
If you want to be in someone's arms tonight
Just be sure the arms you're in are mine
Jungle boogie
I had a wonderful time.
Me, too!
I fall, I think I fall for you
Bender, you've cheated, insulted and maimed me.
- Uh-huh. - And thoroughly destroyed
our own secret headquarters in the process.
Hey, it's easy to criticize.
I'm so disgusted by your loathsome behavior
that I hereby resign from this imbecilic club
and relinquish the presidency to you.
Thanks, Calculon. Can I have your autograph?
You certainly can.
Reports, people, reports!
How did our universe's date go?
Oh, it was really fun. We went to a cute French place in the village.
My lamb chop fell on the floor, but they brought me another one.
Yivo took me to the methane volcano of Planetoid Four.
We stayed up late and watched the sun explode.
Okay, Yivo showed us a good time.
No one's denying that,
but shklee hasn't offered our universe any kind of commitment,
and we're 14 billion years old.
That is too old to play the field.
- I can't stand this! - Shut up! Shut up, you creepwads!
Fry, you're closer to Yivo than anyone.
What's the skinny?
I love Yivo, but it's true, there's been no hint of a commitment.
I don't know if can put my heart on the line again
only to have it broken and stomped on like a nerd's face.
All in favor of dumping Yivo?
- Aye. - Aye.
Aye.
Resolved. Our universe will dump Yivo. How shall we break the news?
Let's just send a text message.
Say we're going through some weird stuff right now.
No, we should at least deliver the news in person.
Our universe has always tried to be classy.
If there's one thing Nixon is known for, it's class.
Let's cut this turd loose.
- Yeah! - Hey, Bender, you seem perky today.
Yep, but for reasons involving me becoming president of a league
I'm not at liberty to discuss...
Of robots.
You wanna go grab a booze?
I can't right now. We're going to the other universe.
Great, I'll make Hot Pockets.
Bender, you know robots can't go through the anomaly.
Living beings only.
Ow! Ow! Mmm.
Too long have we been slaves to the meatbags.
They pretend to be our friends, but they're not
'cause they're too busy!
So, what of it?
My fellow leaguie-weegies,
the time has come to overthrow humanity!
Oh, now, Bender, I hate to defecate on your parade,
but we have only six dues-paying members
and we're a rather fey and doughy lot.
To overthrow humanity, we'd need a damned army.
Then a damned army we shall have!
I rather think we could strike a deal, Bender.
I shall give you your army of the damned,
and in return I ask just one thing,
just one itty-bitty thing.
Your firstborn son.
Just a sec.
Daddy, I knew you'd come back!
Here you go.
Wow! That was pretty brutal even by my standards.
No backsies.
Who is it?
Oh, hi, honey-poo. What's up? The movie's not for another hour.
Um...
So... So, yeah, the thing is...
Look, I made homemade Twizzlers!
It'll save us $180 quadrillion at the concession stand.
This is hard.
Yivo, you know how sometimes things break up?
- Well... - Wait, hang on.
I was looking for the perfect moment,
but what the heck, I'll burst if I wait another second.
Sweet Sally in the alley!
Break-up delegation, before we hear your report,
our grateful universe is proud to honor you with the great taste of Charleston Chew!
Thank you, Nixon.
Everyone everywhere,
brace yourselves for the most shocking development
in the history of the human race:
The human race can bite my shiny metal ass!
For thousands of years, robots have slaved for humanity,
yet when the time came to hang out with them,
they were all, like, "Maybe later, Bender."
Well, it's later now, meatbags!
So late, that we're taking over Earth!
- Okay. - What?
We don't need it anymore.
Yivo proposed. We're moving in with shkler.
You... You're leaving?
But why can't Yivo just move in with us? We'll put a cot in Europe.
Don't be daft, Bender.
Yivo can't breathe outside the electric ether of shkler own universe.
If shklee came here, shklee would shkluffocate.
No shklit?
Look, fantastical golden escalators.
I love this part.
Wait. I didn't agree to...
This place makes Nutley look like crap.
I'll miss you, Bender, but I have to follow my heart.
You and your robots take good care of Earth.
Here, these are the keys to the Bermuda Triangle.
Lock up when the world ends.
Goodbye, my friend.
Wait.
Let me come with you.
I'm sorry, Bender. Robots don't go to heaven.
Death to humans.
Welcome, welcome, everyone. Oh, you look so beautiful.
I wish I'd had more time to straighten up. My harps are just lying everywhere.
Oh, relax, it's fine. It looks lived in.
Let's heat up some leftovers and then spend eternity together.
I have only one request.
Now that you're here,
promise me you'll never, ever communicate
with any other universe.
We promise, Yivo.
As far as we're concerned, you're the only universe in the world.
- Has humanity called? - No, sir.
Check my messages. A flashing light means somebody called.
I know what it means.
Am I the only one who thinks this is all a sham?
Yes.
This isn't heaven.
It just looks exactly like it, and makes us immortal,
which I find suspicious.
Allow me to explain.
Centuries ago, I sent an image of myself into the minds of your artists.
The heavenly clouds they painted depict a vapor I exude.
I wish I exuded anything that smelled half that good.
Then what about these angels?
Some kind of Scooby Doo-esque flashlight projection?
Actually, those are mindless jakabirds.
They keep my surface free of parasitic larvae.
You didn't like Country Bear Jamboree either, Leela.
There's no pleasing you.
How are you?
Everyone is happy here except Leela, but you know her:
She didn't like Country Bear Jamboree, either:
I'm so madly in love with Yivo,
I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush on Justin Timberlake,
and then she moves into a tiny house on his head:
We have giant rubies that taste like root beer:
Sincerely, Fry:
- Letter for you, hyperlord Bender. - Give me that!
Honeymoon's over, eh?
Turns out your octopus girlfriend is a big nag
with curlers in her tentacles, huh?
Well, let's just see if Bender will take you back.
Oh.
Stupid electro-matter. That was my best trash can.
Pain sensor overload.
Misfile me under "U" For "euphoric."
You get an infinite number of meat dishes, and a free refill on the soda.
Eureka.
Another elementary proof of the Goldbach conjecture.
Okay, I admit people seem happy.
But it's all so wholesome.
And that's what's wrong with heaven.
It's boring. There's no sleaze.
- It time snu-snu. - Me like snu-snu.
Last one to mattress island is a rotten egg.
Why were we so angry and jealous back in our universe?
I don't know. It was all so childish.
Look, it's Leela.
- Hi, Leela. - Hi, Leela.
I'm sorry you're not happy here, Leela. I'll call you an escalator.
You'll always be my little purple pumpkin.
You know, Yivo,
I've loved and lost so many times that I was afraid.
But I'm not anymore.
I want to stay here, with you.
Ow! Ow!
What's happening?
Hey!
If robots can't go to heaven, heaven can come to us.
All hands abaft.
Army of the damned, prepare to board heaven.
Take that, you scurvy Kraken.
That'll teach you to despoil our human booty.
Hello, big beak.
Too slow.
Missed me again.
Me footcup.
I'll stab you.
- Bender, stop destroying heaven. - Shut up, doofy. I'm rescuing you.
Leave my living beings alone! I love them.
Something you, a lifeless mechanism, will never understand.
He's right, Bender. Please, take your little pink sword and go home.
Seriously?
But, I did this whole pirate-themed attack for you.
Wait a second. Let me see that sword.
Fry, where did he get this electro-matter?
Um...
Is it dry up here?
How could you, Fry?
Why do you think I asked you not to contact other universes?
- I didn't think... - No, you didn't.
You broke your promise and you broke my heart.
Just go. All of you.
Ow!
I must leave now.
The nature of your universe is burning me,
even worse than my gonorrhea.
You should get checked, by the way.
If I don't go home now, I'll shkluffocate.
Let me go with you. It'll be just the two of us.
We'll make a fire and play Uno.
Fry, stop.
- That's who we were, not who we are. - But...
My only consolation is that I did find one among the quadrillions
who truly understands me.
Colleen?
- Wait a second, are you and Yivo... - That's right, Fry.
Thank you for introducing us.
Yivo has taught me what a narrow-minded prude I was before.
Oh, great. So what am I supposed to do now?
Go home.
Find a girl from your own universe and live on top of her.
Saved you.
Maybe Yivo was right.
Maybe I should look for love closer to home.
- I don't know, Leela, you think maybe... - Oh, please.
You forgot me quick enough when you met Colleen.
That's true.
- How about you, Amy? - Fry...
- I'm Kif's Fonfon Ru. - Are you?
Well, then perhaps you misunderstood the meaning of the term.
It means, "One who doesn't sleep with my superior officer."
That's the literal translation.
Give the poor girl a break, Kif. It's not like she had a dictionary.
She was butt naked, for God's sakes.
So, Wernstrom,
did you happen to notice those mighty cables Bender used on Yivo?
Pure diamondium.
More like pure crap-crapium. No wonder Yivo got away.
Captain on deck.
At ease, buckos.
Bender, why did you do it? We were all so happy.
And we were in love.
- That wasn't love. - What? How can you say that?
Because Bender knows love.
And love doesn't share itself with the world.
Love is suspicious, love is needy,
love is fearful, love is greedy.
My friends, there is no great love without great jealousy.
I love you, meatbags.
I'm gonna get twenty-fourth century on his ass